When it comes to finding friends, perhaps the first step is understanding what exactly friendship is. Does it mean you have each other in your Facebook list? Or that you see each other every Friday or Sunday at Mosque or Church? Not really. A relationship needs to have some key elements in order to be labeled as friendship. To me, a true friend is there for you no matter what. They don't lie to you no matter what. They also keep their promises. T...hey also don't stab you in the back
According to Aristotle, there are three kinds of friendships: friendships of utility, friendships of pleasure, and friendships of the good. I think these categories work, but I’m going to put Aristotle’s ideas in my own language.
Three Types of Friendships:
1.Friendships of Usefulness: I have friends who I never hear from except when they need something. Usually it’s once a year. I’ll get an email from them asking me to endorse or promote their new book. That’s about as deep as it goes. They are “friends of usefulness.” I’ll admit, I sometimes find such annual requests irritating as I’d like to be better friends with some of these people. But it is what it is. Business partners, coworkers on the job, and classmates often fit into this category.
2.Friendships of Mutual Interest: The glue of this kind of friendship is a particular kind of shared enjoyment. Think of fishing buddies, or exercise buddies, or golf buddies. You and your friend share a common interest or pleasure, and that’s where your friendship is rooted. If you lose interest in that common pleasure, the friendship ends.
3.Friendships of Virtue. The glue that holds this sort of friendship together is the mutual respect you have for one another. Such respect may even rise to admiration. You value one another as people, and you enjoy one another’s company. You are their friend, not for how they can benefit you or how they can bring you pleasure, but simply because you like them. This is the highest form of friendship.
Going beyond Aristotle’s three categories, there’s a fourth kind of friendship. It’s what I call a “close” friendship. Others would use the word “true” friendship to describe it. Though I don’t think the kinds of friendship listed above are “false.” Not all friendships of virtue are close friendships. But all close friendships are also friendships of virtue.
Folks What kind of friend are you?
May we all enjoy a fruitful year ahead. Shalom!
According to Aristotle, there are three kinds of friendships: friendships of utility, friendships of pleasure, and friendships of the good. I think these categories work, but I’m going to put Aristotle’s ideas in my own language.
Three Types of Friendships:
1.Friendships of Usefulness: I have friends who I never hear from except when they need something. Usually it’s once a year. I’ll get an email from them asking me to endorse or promote their new book. That’s about as deep as it goes. They are “friends of usefulness.” I’ll admit, I sometimes find such annual requests irritating as I’d like to be better friends with some of these people. But it is what it is. Business partners, coworkers on the job, and classmates often fit into this category.
2.Friendships of Mutual Interest: The glue of this kind of friendship is a particular kind of shared enjoyment. Think of fishing buddies, or exercise buddies, or golf buddies. You and your friend share a common interest or pleasure, and that’s where your friendship is rooted. If you lose interest in that common pleasure, the friendship ends.
3.Friendships of Virtue. The glue that holds this sort of friendship together is the mutual respect you have for one another. Such respect may even rise to admiration. You value one another as people, and you enjoy one another’s company. You are their friend, not for how they can benefit you or how they can bring you pleasure, but simply because you like them. This is the highest form of friendship.
Going beyond Aristotle’s three categories, there’s a fourth kind of friendship. It’s what I call a “close” friendship. Others would use the word “true” friendship to describe it. Though I don’t think the kinds of friendship listed above are “false.” Not all friendships of virtue are close friendships. But all close friendships are also friendships of virtue.
Folks What kind of friend are you?
May we all enjoy a fruitful year ahead. Shalom!
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